The Top Ten Worst Dressed Rock Bands of All Time

Which is the worst dressed Rock Band?

After my post querying whether Rush’s Kimonos were a nadir in the relationship between Rock and Fashion, I thought about a few other bands that I knew who perhaps ran Rush pretty close. I read every copy of Kerrang! for several years: so here is my cut-out-and-keep guide of the Top Ten Worst Dressed Bands of all time…

1. Black Sabbath’s Red Trousers on the cover of Sabotage: Ozzy’s wearing a dress, but all I can see is a ludicrous pair of red trousers. Or are they tights? There’s a website devoted to people who wear red trousers. Google “LAMFRT” and you’ll see what I mean. (Parental Guidance: May contain swearing).

2. Manowar Sign their Record Contracts in Blood But Forget To Check In The Mirror Before Leaving The House.
3. Poison – Look What The Cat Dragged In. I told my friend that this was a girl-band and asked him which one he liked the best. Turns out it was CC De Ville. Kids can be so cruel.
4. Status Quo – On The Level. I found the reverse of the album cover – it is even better than the cover as the previously hidden away drummer in boots and leather waistcoat is revealed. I still think the look on his face is priceless. It screams turmoil…
5. Raven combine American Football and Heavy Rock. Raven were a British band, and this album got a four star review in Kerrang! magazine, on the back of which I bought it. It was a bizarre mixture of heavy metal with trumpets and horns, as though a record executive had tried to make the music more accessible. And then lost his mind by dressing the band in American Football gear and codpieces.
6. Twisted Sister – Dee Snider comes up with the idea that dressing like a drag queen will sell records. He’s right.
7. Rush – go through their Bowie stage and wear kimonos.
8. Queensryche – Rage for Order. Great album – terrible photos. Another example where you can see the turmoil etched on the face of a band member – look at Geoff Tate‘s face (2nd left) – he looks in pain. I heard the record company wanted them to fit in with the hair metal bands of the time. It backfired with these photos I first saw in Kerrang!
9. Journey – before they dressed only slightly better. Admire the T-Shirt that goes down to the waist…
10. Dire Straits – Always worth contextualising the above bands with what the most successful bands looked like at a similar time. Headbands anyone? Perhaps that Raven cover wasn’t so bad?