Time for another confession. As the headline rather screams out, I used to think Pink Floyd was the stupidest band of all time. I don’t mean slightly silly, or partly potty. I mean really stupid. Stupider than the guy who told Goliath that the little kid with a sling was a terrible shot. Dumber than the bloke who told Bambi’s mum “just stand there – you’ll be well hidden from view…”
I don’t mean I thought they were the worst band ever. I hadn’t heard any of their actual songs, apart from Another Brick In The Wall Pt 2, which featured a catchy rebellious chorus sung by schoolchildren. “We don’t need no education” they sang, and I thought “Well – your grammar would suggest otherwise”. (I was an insufferable nine year old I am sure). Having heard nothing else by them at this tender age, I mentally filed them as a slightly edgier St Winifred’s School Choir.
However, by 1986 I began to enjoy a bit of prog rock – because it meant I was intelligent (or so I thought) – and so should really have liked Floyd. I loved Marillion and (this was the late eighties) Genesis were fronted by that other legend of cool, Phil Collins (no, really). I had no reason not to like Pink Floyd. I didn’t know that punk had come along in 1976 and had pointed out in no uncertain terms that a world without prog rock would be a better world for everyone, especially for those who liked wearing safety pins through their noses and gobbing on people.
I avoided Pink Floyd for a long time because I had a friend who would tell me fantastic and rather muddled tales about what this legendary band had done. And all the tales made Pink Floyd sound like a bunch of day patients let loose from a local Care In The Community programme.
“Listen to this – it’s a song about a sheep…”
“…all the songs on this album are about farmyard animals…”
“The cover of this album is just a picture of a cow…”
“Before their show, they crash a plane onstage…”
“They’re great – they once floated a pig over London…”
“When they play live, they build a wall between the band and the stage so you can’t see them…”
“One other thing they do is float a bed above the heads of the crowd. It’s amazing…”
The common theme with all these ideas when they were described to me by my friend (who had heard it all third hand and wasn’t clear on all the details) is that they sounded a) stupid, b) pointless, c) rather overly obsessed with farmyard animals, and d) a colossal waste of time and energy:
“They flew a bed over the heads of the audience on a wire? Why?”
“Well…er, it’s a concept album“
“A concept about bed linen? What’s wrong with fireworks and lasers? A flying four-poster? What’s next? A dancing divan? A floating futon?Levitating Lilos? Is their next concept album going to be about other bedroom furniture? Perhaps a Narnian wardrobe? A dressing table? Tatami mats? Where does it all end?”
“Well, er…”
“And The Wall: let’s get this straight: as the concert goes on, you end up not being able to see the band?”
“Er…well yes, I think so…”
“So what’s the point of paying money to see the band if there’s a bloody great wall in the way? How do we know they haven’t sloped off for a cigarette and they’ve just put the record on?”
“Er, well, the pig was pretty cool though wasn’t it?”
“Was it? Why are they floating pigs pointlessly in the air? It all just sounds like they’ve been doing too many drugs and have too much time on their hands.”
“And the crashing aeroplane?”
“It was a real one was it?”
“Well yes… I think so.”
“They’re lucky they didn’t kill anyone! What are they doing?! I mean, what is the point?! They’re hippies! They’re not punks – why are they destroying things?”
Even those amazing Hipgnosis album covers put me off: Derelict power stations, beds taken out of hospitals, people burning in the street and mad cows. The only other time you ever saw those things together was during Margaret Thatcher’s time as Prime Minister…
Of course, I don’t think Pink Floyd ever did crash an actual plane onstage. The start of an album he played me (I haven’t been able to work out which one) sounds like they do, but I suspect by then my friend was becoming confused – on the basis that if they were crazy enough to float pigs above power stations, they were probably the sort of people who would think nothing of crashing a fully manned 747 on stage just for the fun of it. As far as he was concerned, that’s probably just how they rolled…
Every record tells a story 
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