It’s always a joy to watch awards shows. It’s the sheer joy of the thing as we watch uncomfortable speeches, awkward silences after attempted jokes and disastrous outfits. And that’s just me sitting at home making jokes on Twitter.
The show opened up with Beyonce who was joined by her other half, who treated us to a whiff of “Dad dancing” – the first time I have noticed the phenomenon in a rapper. I reckon that gives us all hope.
Lorde then performed “Royals” and picked up a special award for being a teenage popstar and not getting arrested for driving while blind drunk or dancing inappropriately with a middle aged Beetlejuice lookalike with a foam hand buried somewhere unpleasant. Which is a good thing.
Next, an act never seen out in public without the trademark blank, robotic look. That’s right, it was Justin Timberlake. Just kidding. Daft Punk then picked up their first award of the night. They swept the board, “Getting Lucky” more times than François Hollande. They won five Grammy Awards but are still not allowed into any branch of Barclay’s Bank or a UK Post Office. They are well known for covering their faces using disguises such as helmets and masks while performing, which begs the question “Couldn’t Shane MacGowan extend his career using the same tactic?”
Katy Perry dressed as a pole dancing witch, complete with broomsticks as poles, an idea which JK Rowling originally had, but which was struck out in early drafts.
Pink then gave a typically understated performance singing whilst performing circus tricks on a trapeze. I wondered if she might start cat juggling or riding a unicycle…
Robin Thicke played with Chicago next, although thankfully he didn’t change the words to “If you leave me now” by adding “I’ll assume that means “yes”….”. Chicago appeared to be Cetera-less. I was willing them to push Thicke off stage, but they always were a bit wimpy…
After that Taylor Swift underwhelmed the room in her usual inimitable fashion, before Paul McCartney played “Queenie Eye” from his “New” album alongside Ringo, whilst the TV cameras panned over some of the most expensive plastic surgery in the crowd.
More acts never seen together before included Stevie Wonder with Daft Punk, Imagine Dragons with Kendrick Lamar and Ozzy Osborne with the twenty-first century…
Then followed Macklemore who gave us a lovely moment as Queen Latifa pronounced thirty odd couples married whilst he sang “Same Love”. Madonna then arrived onstage wearing a top hat and a cane. Or does she just need a walking stick now?
Daft Punk won record of the year, and as their names were called by Smokey Robinson and Steven Tyler, you could see the raw emotion etched on their helmets…
Metallica played perhaps the ultimate, respectful and most moving tribute to Lou Reed by not playing anything off Lulu.
Album of the year? Why not. It was won by The Stig of course, who collected it on behalf of Daft Punk.
The night ended with an all star rock band featuring Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac and Nine Inch Nails playing QOTSA’S “My God Is the Sun”, with Grohl on drums – the best musical moment of the evening which was fittingly and quite brilliantly interrupted by an advert for a holiday company…
Farewell then, Grammys. I wonder what next year will bring? Perhaps someone just singing a song? Nah, that’d be ridiculous….
Every record tells a story 
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