Glastonbury 2014: Hey Ho, Let’s Go…


Attempting to buy Glastonbury tickets has become a national sport. It’s like the National Lottery or Euromillions, but with less chance of winning. Everyone knows someone who has “won”, but it never happens to them. It’s like a slightly crueller version of The Grand National, as many fall at the first hurdle, or like the World Cup, with a typically early exit (that’s enough stretched sporting metaphors).

I have tried to get tickets to Glastonbury for the last few years, but each time the website appeared more difficult to penetrate than, er – well let’s not make any jokes there – whilst millions of people, all apparently armed with automatic ticket buying bots and faster broadband connections than me all somehow managed to swarm in like locusts and snaffle all the tickets, whilst I pressed F5 for three hours solid. Then, just as I finally got through and entered all my details, the shutters came down on my fingers like last orders at a particularly unfriendly bar as an onscreen sign bellowed “All Tickets Sold Out”, and I was left seething with rage, hoping that it rains and that One Direction are announced as headliners.

For those with similar tales of woe, when, three or four months later, the festival actually takes place, we then get blanket coverage on Twitter and online from the smug, insufferable thousands who are all aching to tell the world what a great time they are having whilst we watch them on our iPads or on BBC TV dancing badly in the crowd.

Well, this weekend, I’m one of the smug insufferables dancing badly in the crowd. Yes – Every Record Tells A Story is making its Glastonbury debut, bringing you coverage of what people who go to it describe as the world’s best music festival. *

You’re welcome.

I’ll try to wipe the smug look off my face. But it isn’t going to be easy…***

As well as bringing you the story of Metallica’s controversial appearance, plus Arcade Fire and Kasabian’s headline slots, I’ll be looking to find a couple of new names** to introduce you to.

In the meantime, if you’re in the UK there’s fantastic coverage from the BBC of pretty much the entire festival on the iPlayer, on BBC 2,3 and 4, plus on radio 1, 2 and BBC 6Music.

So look out for reviews and pictures throughout the weekend for as long as I’m still standing, and perhaps more importantly, for as long as I have battery power. If you like that sort of thing, check my Instagram account (see the sidebar on the Every Record website for the link) for pictures-as-they-happen.

With the Glastonbury weather forecast predicting high winds, heavy rain – with a chance of dysentery towards the evening – and starting off wet the next day with a 60% chance of trench foot there’s every chance this may not end well. On the other hand, I survived the mud-fest of the Isle of Wight Festival a couple of years ago: how much worse can it possibly be? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

In any event, have a good weekend…whether you’re at the festival, watching on TV or online, or in a far off country wondering what all the fuss is about.


* and what those who have never been able to get tickets (which included me until this year) as “that damnable festival I can never get into”.

** Newer than Metallica anyway, which means I ought to find someone out there…

*** although torrential rain over the weekend will probably do the job.





6 responses to “Glastonbury 2014: Hey Ho, Let’s Go…”

  1. mikeladano Avatar

    I’m not into festivals like this AT ALL, but I look forward to your coverage!


  2. 80smetalman Avatar

    Enjoy frolicking in the mud


  3. theEARLofSWIRL Avatar

    Love the “Grand National” comparison.
    Have fun, will look forward to your coverage!


  4. simon robinson Avatar
    simon robinson

    Did Knebworth the year Purple reformed and headlined, and that was more than enough for a lifetime! I suspect they will still be finding bodies there in years to come due to the depth of the mud. Hope you caught Plant, seems to have been the best act by far judging from the BBC coverage.


    1. Every Record Tells A Story Avatar

      I did catch Plant – see elsewhere for the review


    2. Every Record Tells A Story Avatar

      Yup – check out my review elsewhere


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