Is He Having An Affair? Or Is It Just Record Store Day Anxiety…

There are a number of warning signs that you can look out for to see if your middle aged husband is having an affair….**

These include: a) increased irritability, b) mind often elsewhere, c) regularly distracted, d) increased covert use of smart phone.

However, be careful before you unleash hell and take his philandering record collection to the local Oxfam in a High Fidelity-esque act of revenge (far more chilling a turn of events to most men than boiling up bunnies in a pot, it must be said) as unfortunately, these are also the warning signs of an impending Record Store Day event. Far from throwing themselves at / bothering unfortunate women, the vast majority of these men (and let’s face it, a good fifty percent of people in the 8am queue outside the local record shop will be men of a certain age) will be feeling increasing anxiety as they check the RSD release list over the next five weeks, wondering whether the shop will have enough copies of that crucial Rory Gallagher 10″ EP that they Absolutely Must Have To Complete The Collection and consider what time they might have to get up in the morning to join the queue on the 18th April.

These are stressful considerations, and will be creating inner turmoil and head scratching – putting increasing strain, not to mention wear and tear, on already thinning hairlines for weeks. I don’t want to over-play things*, but I understand that the CIA was considering introducing a Record Store Day event in Guantanamo Bay, mainly of extremely limited (six copies of each, I heard) re-releases of Belinda Carlisle picture discs, but even George Bush felt that might be too cruel, not to mention breach the Geneva Convention and cause too much psychological damage to the inmates.

All of this started on Wednesday, as the Record Store Day list was released with much fanfare, (at least for those that are interested – let’s face it, it failed to make the first couple of items on the TV news) making giddy schoolchildren of men of a certain age across the land.

So what are the headline items this year?

Here are the highlights:

1. A seven inch of James Last, and presumably his orchestra playing Here Comes The Sun and Everyday People

2. A picture disc of Belinda Carlisle’s Heaven on Earth,

3. A reissue of Springsteen’s first seven albums (all of which can be found – in very nice condition – for a fiver at your nearest used record store.

Oh, hang on. Those aren’t the highlights, are they? Those are the annual “Who’s going to buy those?” releases….

Here are the real highlights:

1. It’s big and purple and certainly isn’t a flexi: that’s right, it’s the re-issue on purple vinyl of Dexy’s finest hour – the incomparable Don’t Stand Me Down. I have the original of this on vinyl, so will the prospect of shiny purple vinyl be sufficient for me to depart with the hard-earned?

2. The Foo Fighters are covering Kim Wilde! Which of the songs by The Pop Star Madonna Could Have Been is he covering though? The theme to Garden Invaders? Chequered Love? Cambodia? Nah, Grohl has a cover of “Kids In America” in his back pocket, and I can think of nothing I’d rather hear…

3. Although, Jonny Marr is covering Depeche Mode!

4. Johnny Cash has a live album recorded in 1983, an era which I don’t recall being his heyday, but might be interesting. It’s called “Koncert v Praze – Live in Prague 1983.

5. And there’s a release of Get Behind Me Satan by The White Stripes for the first time ever on vinyl which will have me elbowing small children out of the way in order to secure a copy…

The best thing about Record Store Day, of course, is that everyone will have their own “must haves”. The key to a successful day? Remember it’s almost impossible to predict which items will be good investments, most of them will still be around in a year’s time for the same price, and to buy what you actually want to listen to.

The other thing to remember is that a record store is for life, not just for Record Store Day.

I was in Nottingham earlier this week and briefly found an amazing used vinyl shop called Rob’s Records. The self titled Rob was there, almost buried under the biggest pile of records I think I have ever seen, and the place was an absolute joy to be in – it was a shame I didn’t have more time.

However, I did manage to find great-condition copies of Queen’s Greatest Hits – Volumes 1 and 2 (neither of which I have ever owned before) for a very fair price (£17 for the pair) that you will struggle to match for those Belinda Carlisle picture discs on Record Store Day

I didn’t go in looking for Queen’s Greatest Hits, of course. But that’s part of the fun.

So have a good time on Record Store Day, but don’t forget people like Rob, who is there every day of the week, digging up bargains, just for you. And me, of course. You’ll have to be up early to get that White Stripes album off me.

Hmmmm, but just how early….?

*scratches head*

*starts feeling anxious*

** Aside from catching him snogging someone else of course. If he’s doing that, an affair is quite the likeliest explanation. Don’t kid yourself.

* …but I’m going to anyway….